Grandson caregiver paying $2k per month to help his Grandpa overhears conversation, then refuses to assist him any more: 'I didn’t make a scene. I just told my Aunt that since the apartment was now hers, the responsibility should be hers too'

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  Man and his grandfather smile at each other.

• Let's get into the story: this caregiver needs advice. 

  My grandfather had a stroke almost two years ago. After he got out of the hospital, he couldn't really manage on his own anymore. He wasn't bedridden, but his memory was failing, his b;ood pressure was constantly fluctuating,and sometimes he’d leave the gas on or call me in the middle of the night because he thought someone was walking around the apartment.

  I live nearby, about a 20 minute drive, so everything gradually fell on me. Doctors, medications, paperwork, trips, groceries. When things got tougher, I found a caregiver for a couple of days a week. His pension covered part of the expenses, but a decent caregiver and post-stroke medications were very expensive, so I was constantly chipping in my own money. Sometimes 1000 to 2000 a month would just disappear.

  It's true: caregivers can cost a fortune. In an instant, families can find themselves overwhelmed by not only the bills, but just the sheer amount of time needed to care for an ailing family member. If you have to help your elderly family member move from room to room, use the restroom, feed them, clothe them, remember to give them their meds, and so on, that alone can take all day. Your own needs get pushed to the side, leaving people quickly overwhelmed and panicking. 

  This person has been through that cycle, and worst of all, their family weren't even pitching in to help. In fact, the way that some of them act sounds totally infuriating. 

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  Caregiver and grandfather spend time together at home.

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• The rest of the family seemed to exist only in name. My aunt would come by once every couple of months with some fruit, take pictures with Grandpa, post something about the family, and then disappear again. My cousins hardly ever showed up at all.

  And yes, this is probably important. I really thought the apartment would end up being mine. Grandpа himself said more than once that I was the only one helping him and that everything would be fair. I even put off moving to another city because I knew he simply wouldn’t make it without me.

  That would seem like a fair trade off, right? The person who cares for you in your old age should get some reward for assisting you in your time of need. Right Grandpa? Right? 

  Well… no. 

  But I don’t think grandpa was obligated to leave the apartment to me. What really hurt me was that for years they let me live under the impression that we were a family and honest with each other, while behind my back they’d already decided everything.

  A few weeks ago, I came home earlier than usual and overheard my aunt and grandpa talking in the kitchen. She was trying to convince him not to leave the apartment to me because I only help for my оwn benefit. She said she has children, a mortgage, and a real family. And grandpa agreed with her.

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  Family members helping a grandpa eat a sandwich.

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• That must've been so hard to hear… And it gets even more complicated, because, as this person explains, this was a deal 6 months in the making. 

  That’s when I found out that he had already transferred the apartment to her six months ago. No one told me anything. Meanwhile, I kept paying for the caregiver and some of the medication all this time, because I was sure that at least we were being honest with each other.

  
   

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  Aunt shows up to have a conversation with Grandpa.

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• It's complicated, isn't it? You can understand how a vulnerable older person could be talked into giving away their home or possessions. And yet, that still doesn't make it fair. 

  That’s when I found out that he had already transferred the apartment to her six months ago. No one told me anything. Meanwhile, I kept paying for the caregiver and some of the medication all this time, because I was sure that at least we were being honest with each other.

  Whew, that would get tempers rising! Spending months putting in thousands of your own dollars, while your family works behind your back to undermine you? Diabolical. 

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  Grandfather and caretaker unpack groceries.

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• So now what? Well, this person seemed quite level headed about it. 

  I didn’t make a scene. I just told my aunt that since the apartment was now hers, the responsibility should be hers too. I warned her that starting next month, I wouldn’t be paying for anything anymore.

  Now there’s a weird atmosphere in the family. No one tells me I'm wrong, but there are constantly comments like well, he’s an old man, why are you counting every penny? You can’t do that because of the inheritance.

  And now i don't even understand myself did they really take adventage of me, or do i look like someone who only helped my grandpa for the sake of apartment?

  AITA?

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  Grandfather and grandson embrace. 

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• People did offer their advice to this person

  waspgirl72

  NTA they definitely took advantage of you, absolving themselves of any responsibility. I would also worry that as your grandpa is old and ill that he has been coerced into leaving your aunt his apartment. You are absolutely right in stopping the help both physically and financially. Your grandpa has plenty of other family members who can now step up. Go and live your life, move away like you wanted to. You have gone over and above

  Jerry_Moya OP

  I would leave, but I'm afraid they'll abandon the old man to his fate, so I'm not sure if I did the right thing

  Some people encouraged this guy to get power of attorney over his grandpa. But the bigger question remains: does this person want to dedicate their life to caregiving? Or has this blow caused them to reconsider? 
   

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